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One person has two headstones in two cemeteries, how do I link him to himself?

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I recently finished the cemetery in my husbands small hometown and searched for his birth year as he was curious as to if any of his classmates had passed away.

In this manner I found one person that has two headstones. One is in our local cemetery, the other is in the cemetery of the town just south of us (so close that they are talking about combining our school systems). Anyways, my husband does not know this person so he has no idea why he has two headstones in two cemeteries (I am confident it is the same person, an uncommon spelling, same birth and death dates).

I now know how to link family members in different cemeteries, but I'm at a loss about how to link this young man to himself. Here are the records:

http://billiongraves.com/pages/record/Khristopher-J-Matson/15069252#given_names=Khristopher&family_names=Matson

http://billiongraves.com/pages/record/KHRISTOPHER-JOHN-MATSON/304024#given_names=KHRISTOPHER&family_names=MATSON
asked Aug 26, 2015 in Transcribing Images by Mhende BG Explorer (1,400 points)

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That is indeed a very interesting example.

It's not uncommon to have a memorial in one cemetery and the actual grave in another. That's especially common with war memorials. But what you have here definitely does look like two proper graves, not just one grave and one memorial.

Obviously he can't be buried in two places at once, but I wonder if he was cremated, and his ashes have been interred at two separate locations? This could happen if his family couldn't agree on where he should be interred, or if he had loved ones at two different cemeteries (say, his paternal grandparents at one cemetery, his maternal grandparents at the other), and his family wanted part of him to be with both, so to speak.

As for what you should do about it on BG: what you really need (and I have suggested as an enhancement), but we don't have yet, is the relationship of Self, to go with Spouse, Child, Parent, Sibling, and the rest.

In the meantime, I suggest you write something in the Grave Description sections of both graves, and include the URL of the other grave, similar to what I have done with my policeman cousin John Collins. He died in 1911 as a result of injuries received on duty. He is recognised on the official police memorial at Springvale Cemetery, and he is buried in an unmarked grave (which I was able to identify) in the same cemetery. I can't merge them (and I don't want to) because they are not the same grave, and I can't link them directly because there is no Self relationship, but I did provide full details in the Grave Description section. More details here: http://community.billiongraves.com/5162/pictures-transcribe-normal-headstone-military-headstone?show=5165#a5165

answered Aug 26, 2015 by Grave_Digger BG Master (91,270 points)
selected Aug 26, 2015 by Mhende
Thank you again! I was actually thinking "maybe his parents were divorced?" (Mine are and my mom actually suggested that I have two weddings at one point!) I am on a mobile device but I will do that as soon as I get to a computer. There is another grave in that cemetery that says "buried in xxxxx, California). I should look up and see if her other grave is on BG as well.
Yes, indeed. I hadn't thought of divorce.

The "where do we bury them" tug of war can cause much angst. It need not even involve divorce. A friend's mother was widowed forty-odd years ago, and she married again, to a widower. Recently she was discussing funeral/burial plans with her second husband. She told him she wanted to be buried with her first husband. I admit my first thought on hearing this was "Why tell him at all? Women generally outlive men, so if you don't tell him, he'll probably never know." But apparently he had plans to buy a double plot for them both, and she had to break the news to him that a single plot would be sufficient, or he could save his money and be buried with his first wife.

In these circumstances, cremation can be a godsend. You can divide up the ashes into as many graves as you want, even across countries if you wish.
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